Light My Path Teresa.

I finished the book "Come Be My Light" last night. It is about the secret letters of Mother Teresa about her interior life. For almost half of her life, she did not feel the love of God though she gave her all to Him until the end.

I sobbed as I finished the last pages. Now I have another favorite saint along with St. Teresa of Avila and St. Francis of Assisi. And I seek her intercession as she promised: “If I ever become a Saint - I will surely be one of ‘darkness.’ I will continually be absent from Heaven – to light the light of those in darkness on earth.”

Pray for me, Mother, that I may follow the light even if I only feel darkness all around me.

Infatuated or Love?

This is not about romance so don't be fooled by the title.

In 2007, I fell in love with Francis. Giovanni Francesco Bernadone to be exact. The Poverello, The Little Poor Man from Assisi and his message of peace made me think of how I see life and my relationship with God. This was when I felt depressed and I was looking for meaning in the wrong places.

St. Francis embraced poverty. By doing this he acknowledged his nothingness without God. He propagated peace which I believe he got from the Benedictines and his own experience of useless war. He united himself with God's creation and saw Him in everything and everyone.

Faced with perceived responsibilities and preoccupations, I am now confused if I'm really in love with Franciscanism or is it just an infatuation with its symbols such as the Tau and San Damiano Crosses and the three-knotted rope fastened around a franciscan's waist.

But what about really living out poverty? What about living in chastity and obedience? Am I ready for it? Am I being called to a life with these virtues?

Story of A Friar

I now follow and enjoy this blog by a Franciscan Capuchin friar from the States and his name is Fr. Charles. He mentioned that he is a Catholic convert and he loves to sing. Actually, he really knows his music--from liturgical chants to punk rock songs. The latter is his favorite and he mentions in one post that his vocation song is actually a punk rock song by a band named The Mr. T. Experience.

I enjoy his blog because it's holiness is not "above the clouds" and actually, it can appeal to the youth.

Fr. Charles got me interested because I have a high regard to people who converted to Christianity. They cherish their faith as one would guard a well kept treasure. In contrast to some who were baptized from birth like me who regard their faith just like a relationship status in a social network site.

Sometimes I'm humbled by converts to Catholicism like Fr. Charles and Steve Ray, the Catholic apologist. They make me reflect on how I give importance to my faith.

Grace

Nothing is an accident. Everything is a grace. I forgot who said that but I read it somewhere. Three years ago, I bought this book on the life of a saint in one of those bargain bookstores that I usually haunt. The saint is St. Marie Eugenie of Jesus, the foundress of the Religious of the Assumption. I bought it because my mother studied in the Assumption from pre-school to college. That was it.

Three years after, I find myself applying for a teaching job in that same school. It was just to give it a try. I even didn't know if there was a vacancy. Suddenly I found myself going back for a couple of times and then, I was accepted. Just like that.

I believe that this is part of my growth. I learned a lot from my previous school. Now everything that I randomly learned will take form, will solidify. In Filipino, dito ako magkakabuto. The first three days were overwhelming, but this excites me. I know I'll become a better teacher.

While my partner for the year level that I'm going to teach was giving me references to study, she gave me the same book that I already have on the life of Marie Eugenie. I told her I already have that book and told her how I got it. She smiled and said that I was being prepared for this.

I didn't realize it until she said that.

Nothing is an accident, some saint said. Everything is a grace.

Walang bagay na nagkataon lang. Ang lahat ay biyaya.

In one of our morning sharing sessions, I told my new coordinator this: It is written that when the student is ready, the teacher will come. Along with that line, I also believe that when the teacher needs to be challenged, the student will come.

Amen to that.

Para Mabuhay (Kuwentong Paspasan)

Para Mabuhay
(Kuwentong Paspasan)
Ni Johnjo Tuason

Galing Pakistan si Rashid. Edad medya na siya nang magdesisyon na pumunta ng Pilipinas at makipagsapalaran. Nagtayo siya ng karinderya at estante ng cellphone sa gilid ng baranggay hall.

Pagkatapos ng tatlong taon, ang tawag sa kanya ng lahat ay "Ang Bumbay" kahit na ni minsan ay di pa siya nakaapak ng India at kaaway iyon ng kanyang bansa. Apat na beses na siyang hinoldap ng iisang tao lang at hindi niya mawari kung bakit tuwing pinahuhuli niya sa mga tanod ang buhong na iyon ay nakakaalpas naman kinabukasan.

Kaya ang ginawa na lang ni Rashid, bumili ng golf club na minsang nakita niyang nakadispley sa Japan Surplus. Tangan-tangan niya sa tuwina tuwing lumalabas ng bahay, pananggalang sa sinumang magtatangka.

--May 4, 2011

Padasal (Kuwentong Paspasan)

Padasal
(Kuwentong Paspasan)

Ni Johnjo Tuason

Naglalako si Catalina ng dasal sa mga hagdan ng basilica ng Birhen ng Peñafrancia. Tangan ang nangangalawang na rosaryo at lukot-lukot nang nobena ay nilalapitan niya ang mga nagsisimba, mga dayo at mga deboto at tatanungin ng “Nobena po? Magpapadasal po ng mga intensiyon at hiling kay Ina?”

Sampung taon na niyang hanapbuhay ito. Mula noong minsan ay nangailangan at pumunta ng basilica para manalangin kay Ina. Namatay ang nag-iisang anak at iniwan ang kanyang apong may leukemia. Halos isang buwan siyang pabalik-balik sa dambana upang haplusin ang kapa ng imahen ngunit nanatiling mailap ang kasagutan sa kanyang mga problema.

Minsan siya’y nakaluhod at nananalangin ay may tumabi sa kanyang nanay na may tangang anak. Walang malay ang batang babae. Halos pumutok ang puso ng babae habang pinagdarasal ang anak.

Bumulong si Catalina ng panalangin kay Ina. Maawa ka sa babaeng ito, sabi niya. Biglang gumising ang bata at tumayo. Tinatanong ang kanyang nanay kung bakit ito umiiyak.

Madalas balikan si Catalina ng mga suki at nagpapasalamat sa kanya at nitong huli ay hindi na niya tinatanong sa Diyos kung bakit ba ang mga dasal niya para sa sarili ay tila hindi sinasagot.

--May 5, 2011
(Sanlinggo pagkatapos dumalaw sa Basilica ng Peñafrancia, Naga City)

Walang Hanggan (Kuwentong Paspasan)

Walang Hanggan
(Kuwentong Paspasan)

Ni Johnjo Tuason
Alay kina Tatum at Iggy

Maaaring nangyari o hindi ang kuwentong ito.

Na noong sumabog ang Mayon noong 1814 at dumagsa ang taong bayan sa simbahan ay kabilang sa kanila ang magsing-irog. Itinanghal ng banal na Padre ang Santisimo Sacramento sa altar upang maging kalakasan ng lahat. Lumuhod ang taong bayan at nagsimulang umawit ng “Te Deum”.

Biglang pumasok ang takot na takot na sacristan. Inanunsyong paparating na sa kanilang lugar ang dagat na apoy mula sa bulkan. Nagsigawan ang lahat. Nahibang ang mga kababaihan at ang mga makasalanan ay tumangis sa harap ng Diyos. May mga kumapit sa abito ng Padre at humingi ng saklolo. Walang magawa ang matandang prayle kundi magsisi kung bakit niya iniwan ang España.

Wala nang makakaalam pa kung sino ang nagyaya o humatak. Tumakbo ang magsing-irog at umakyat sa matayog na kampanaryo upang doon humanap ng kaligtasan. Mula sa tuktok ay nakita nila kung papano kumutan ng nagliliyab na dagat ang bukirin at hanggang sa lamunin nito ang mga kabahayan. Rumagasa ito sa ilalim nila at bawat madaanan ay natupok.

Hindi na makayanan ng magsing-irog ang nakapapasong init, ang usok at ang nakakasulasok na amoy ng asupre. Naglapat ang kanilang mga labi at yumakap sa isa’t-isa. Hanggang inubos ng marubdob nilang damdamin ang kanilang hininga.

Dalawang daang taon ang nagdaan. Sa paanan ng kampanaryo ng Cagsawa, pagkatapos magpalitrato sa tour guide ay di napigilan nina Kirk at Constance at sila’y naghalikan sa ilalim ng nangangalit na araw. Mula sa kalayuan ay parang nakarinig si Constance ng mahinang pag-awit. Nag-aral siya sa mga madre kaya nakilala niya ang banayad na pagkanta ng “Te Deum”.

--May 4, 2011
(Sanlinggo pagkatapos dumalaw ng Cagsawa ruins)