Light My Path Teresa.

I finished the book "Come Be My Light" last night. It is about the secret letters of Mother Teresa about her interior life. For almost half of her life, she did not feel the love of God though she gave her all to Him until the end.

I sobbed as I finished the last pages. Now I have another favorite saint along with St. Teresa of Avila and St. Francis of Assisi. And I seek her intercession as she promised: “If I ever become a Saint - I will surely be one of ‘darkness.’ I will continually be absent from Heaven – to light the light of those in darkness on earth.”

Pray for me, Mother, that I may follow the light even if I only feel darkness all around me.

Infatuated or Love?

This is not about romance so don't be fooled by the title.

In 2007, I fell in love with Francis. Giovanni Francesco Bernadone to be exact. The Poverello, The Little Poor Man from Assisi and his message of peace made me think of how I see life and my relationship with God. This was when I felt depressed and I was looking for meaning in the wrong places.

St. Francis embraced poverty. By doing this he acknowledged his nothingness without God. He propagated peace which I believe he got from the Benedictines and his own experience of useless war. He united himself with God's creation and saw Him in everything and everyone.

Faced with perceived responsibilities and preoccupations, I am now confused if I'm really in love with Franciscanism or is it just an infatuation with its symbols such as the Tau and San Damiano Crosses and the three-knotted rope fastened around a franciscan's waist.

But what about really living out poverty? What about living in chastity and obedience? Am I ready for it? Am I being called to a life with these virtues?

Grace

Nothing is an accident. Everything is a grace. I forgot who said that but I read it somewhere. Three years ago, I bought this book on the life of a saint in one of those bargain bookstores that I usually haunt. The saint is St. Marie Eugenie of Jesus, the foundress of the Religious of the Assumption. I bought it because my mother studied in the Assumption from pre-school to college. That was it.

Three years after, I find myself applying for a teaching job in that same school. It was just to give it a try. I even didn't know if there was a vacancy. Suddenly I found myself going back for a couple of times and then, I was accepted. Just like that.

I believe that this is part of my growth. I learned a lot from my previous school. Now everything that I randomly learned will take form, will solidify. In Filipino, dito ako magkakabuto. The first three days were overwhelming, but this excites me. I know I'll become a better teacher.

While my partner for the year level that I'm going to teach was giving me references to study, she gave me the same book that I already have on the life of Marie Eugenie. I told her I already have that book and told her how I got it. She smiled and said that I was being prepared for this.

I didn't realize it until she said that.

Nothing is an accident, some saint said. Everything is a grace.

Walang bagay na nagkataon lang. Ang lahat ay biyaya.

In one of our morning sharing sessions, I told my new coordinator this: It is written that when the student is ready, the teacher will come. Along with that line, I also believe that when the teacher needs to be challenged, the student will come.

Amen to that.